Tonight's moon is the Barley moon, a night to contemplate the cyle of life. Tonight also ends the first full day after confirming our miscarriage. It seems appropriate then that the full moon in all her round mother glory is obviscated by clouds tonight.

We have, in an instant, touched both life and death. While our baby was little more than a growing bit of life, I shared a few weeks with another spirit and that does leave an imprint. I do not believe her spirit is lost. I believe she may choose to return in a more viable vehicle, if that is part of the larger plan-- because of this, I dont grieve as deeply as I expected I would.

My grief is not tempered by a lack of time or the logic that an embroyo is only half a person. I grieve only for the loss of the dreams we shared, as a family. I grieve for the loss of being pregnant and sharing my space with another wonderful human being who has chosen to be our child.

And while this grief is real and whole to me, it is not all consuming. It merely points me to the future when the opportunity and dreams will again be ours to share.

In this, I realize that this is the peace that people's faith provides them in times of crisis. In affirming my beliefs on my journey to an outward faith, I feel that I have connected to that greater strength and that infinite wheel.

This is the first time in my life that I have been comforted fully by my faith rather than suspicious of it, testing it. For the first time, I have found my spiritual center and a place of peace. Blessed Be!