Last Night's moon was the Long Night moon, and we celebrated it in a snowy mountain, glowing pale blue by the full moon, sharing light and food with my brother and his family for yule.

It was this, the lighting of candles and feeding an adult relationship with my brother that made me think of Long Night as a dark and cold night, full of fear and discomfort, waiting for the light to return. And indeed, things do look terribly dark right now. Our house in Oregon has been on the market for almost 4 months now, and it could be as long or longer before it sells. I fear overstaying our welcome with my in-laws, and already feel vividly the strain of not having our own space. Work is not what it should be, and I am not the person for the job, or environment, that I have. But I am the provider now, and a job hop doesn't seem like a good idea right now. Strain with my mother and terribly profound grieving for Oregon, where I found my peace, strength, and center, round out a deep deep depression. Indeed, things have never been so dark for me.

So I keep wondering when the trend will turn, when the sun will return and I can feel warm joy again. I thought first that this is what Long Night moon means to me right now. And while it's hopeful of a new turn next month, it's still a dark space to dwell in.

As I researched this moon, however, I found a more hopeful interpretation.

Long Night moon would be the time, in more rural communities, of rest and waiting. Today, of course, there is as much or more work this time of year and no natural lull when winter falls. The ground slumbers, the fields lay fallow, and men rest, waiting patiently for a spring they cannot rush. The coming year they cannot know. They can only rest themselves for the effort that lies ahead. We must wait and accept the time it takes for the seasons to turn.

And in this thought, I think I have found my answer. I cannot force Spring. And while it is dark and cold and painful now, I must accept and endure it because it is the natural motion of these things. I can merely light my yule candles and wait for the warmth of the sun to return; I can and must rest for Spring, and the back breaking labor that comes with it.

Blessed Be, and bright holiday wishes for whatever you choose to celebrate!